Saturday, August 22, 2009

And I'm back

I guess there is no point in lying... I have sort of been avoiding you. I usually seam to know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm going next but right now I feel a little lost and a whole lot of off track. I know where I want to be eventually but right now that seems soooooooo far away. I was offered a wonderful full time position at a previous employer which I couldn't turn down. I'm flattered at being so unexpectantly offered such a position but I'm not going to lie about the huge ball of pride I had to swallow. I know that I will absolutely love my job and that it will give me the extra time to work on my business but it's hard not to feel like I'm going backwards in some ways.

I know why we moved and I know why I'm here and I don't regret any of that. It's just so hard to convince myself that societies standard of success isn't my own. I've never cared much about being happy, only successful. Whatever that means. And it's hard not to believe that a resume is a perfectly valid premiss for which to judge the "success" of an individual. But where on a resume do you put "attending my best friends wedding" or "spent Christmas with my family" or "feel at home in my community"? Is it about finding a balance between societies measure of success and whatever makes me happy? Or is it about pushing my pride away in order to realize that I am really happy and that THAT is my success?


  1. I have a smart idea. Just stop caring about what other people think.